we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
