Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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