Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
