3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
