New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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