I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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