Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
