Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize