ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
