It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
