I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
