It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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