Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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