Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
