just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
