K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
