Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
