it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
