i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
