you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you win again, gameday.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
