I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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