better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
