dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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