What a fucking waste of an outfit
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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