Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
