proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
