I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
