I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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