I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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