I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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