His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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