someone threw a dead crab at me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
how drunk are you?
Several
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
