1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
