I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
