Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
