So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
