im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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