Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
