I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
