After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
