I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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