Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
