I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
