Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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