I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
