i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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