Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Randomize
