remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
