I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
