her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
