operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
