how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize