I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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