I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
