No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
