it was like having sex with a tree stump
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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