Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
