she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
