so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
