I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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