I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
