a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
