I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
