Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
