I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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