Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
