WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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