PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
