i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
