Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
