i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
