Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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