my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize
