I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
