my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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