I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
