I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize