thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
